So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You took a bar mat shot.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
