I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
