Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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