im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize