Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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