i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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