Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize