I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
