STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
