how do flat chested girls get laid?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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