Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
