Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
