You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
