I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
