I accidentally had phone sex last night
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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