Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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