I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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