did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And then the night went full on bisexual.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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