My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
