I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
