I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
