If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
