they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
