Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
