Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
