He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
