Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
