i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
