I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
where are you?
Hypothermia
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
