You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
