I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
