I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
