I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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