I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if only i could text you this smell
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
