i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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