Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
