Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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