I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
His hands were made for my vagina.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
