that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
