Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
