thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
