I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
