I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
