I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
