So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
