I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize