Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
