I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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