Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
