Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
