grandma shit on top of the toilet
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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