eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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