To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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