Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my vag is so smooth its legendary
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
