We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
