Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
