doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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