Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
