if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
