I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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