Cold hands, warm shart.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
