What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
