I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
