Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
