4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This is my gift to your gina
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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