i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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