we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize