Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
