I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
