am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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