Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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