I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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