gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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