quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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