So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
