He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
