My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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