I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
