i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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