Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
