I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
